The Truth About Separation Anxiety in Dogs: What It Is and What Actually Works

Separation anxiety. It’s one of the most misunderstood behavioral issues out there, and unfortunately, that means a lot of pet parents end up using ineffective (or downright harmful) approaches to try to "fix" it.

This post is based on my conversation with expert dog trainer Ruth Hegarty on the Muddy Paws and Hairballs podcast. If you haven’t listened yet, check out the full episode "Does Your Dog Have Separation Anxiety? Expert Tips to Help with Trainer Ruth Hegarty" for even more insights straight from the expert.

In this post, we’re busting some of the biggest myths about separation anxiety, breaking down what it looks like, and—most importantly—giving you real, practical steps to help your dog feel safe and secure when you’re away.

Let’s get into it.

What Separation Anxiety Actually Is (And What It’s Not)

Separation anxiety is not just your dog whining when you leave the house—it’s a serious behavioral issue that causes extreme distress when a dog is left alone. And by distress, I mean panic.

Dogs with separation anxiety aren’t just being "bad" or "acting out." They’re terrified. Their anxiety can show up in different ways, including:

• Destructive behavior (chewing doors, ripping up furniture)
• Excessive barking or howling (nonstop, not just when someone walks by)
• Inappropriate elimination (peeing or pooping in the house only when left alone)
• Self-harm (scratching or biting themselves, breaking nails trying to escape)

A dog with separation anxiety isn't being dramatic or spiteful—they’re in full-blown panic mode.

But Wait—Is It Actually Separation Anxiety?

Before assuming your dog has separation anxiety, it’s important to rule out other common behavioral issues:

🚫 Boredom – A dog left alone with zero mental stimulation will find ways to entertain themselves (chewing, barking, getting into trouble).
🚫 Lack of training – A dog that doesn’t know boundaries may destroy things whether you’re home or not.
🚫 Territorial barking – Barking at people, cars, or noises isn’t separation anxiety—it’s a different issue.

Mislabeling these behaviors can lead to the wrong solutions, so getting the right diagnosis is key.

5 Myths About Separation Anxiety That Need to Die

There’s so much bad advice floating around about separation anxiety, so let’s set the record straight.

Myth 1: "My dog is just being spiteful."

No. Dogs don’t hold grudges or get "revenge" when you leave. They’re not peeing on the floor because they’re mad at you—they’re panicking.

Myth 2: "He'll grow out of it. If I ignore it, it’ll go away."

Nope. Ignoring separation anxiety doesn’t fix it—it makes it worse. Anxiety doesn’t just magically disappear; it escalates over time if left untreated.

Myth 3: "Punishing my dog will stop the behavior."

Punishment does nothing except make your dog more anxious. If they’re already in a state of panic, adding fear-based punishment just increases their stress.

Myth 4: "Only rescue dogs get separation anxiety."

Wrong. While rescue dogs may be more prone to it due to past trauma, any dog—purebred, mixed breed, from a breeder, from a shelter—can develop separation anxiety.

Myth 5: "Getting another dog will fix my dog's separation anxiety."

A second dog won’t cure separation anxiety. Your anxious dog isn’t lonely—they’re attached to you, not just the presence of another dog. In many cases, the anxiety just transfers to the new dog.

How to Spot Separation Anxiety Early

The earlier you recognize the signs, the easier it is to help your dog before things spiral. Here’s what to watch for:

• Pacing or restlessness before you leave
• Clinginess—follows you from room to room, always needs to be near you
• Barking or whining right after you leave, especially if it goes on for an extended period
• Destructive behavior that only happens when you’re gone
• Sudden accidents in the house (when left alone)

If this sounds familiar, it’s time to take action.

How to Help Your Dog Feel Safe When You Leave

Step 1: Create a "Safe Space"

Give your dog a designated comfort zone—a cozy crate, a comfy bed, or a gated area—where they can feel secure. Make it a happy place with treats, toys, and soft bedding.

Step 2: Use Comforting Scents & Sounds

Dogs find comfort in familiar scents. Try leaving a shirt with your scent in their safe space. Background noise (soft music, white noise) can also help reduce stress.

Step 3: Desensitize Your Departure Cues

Your dog probably knows when you’re about to leave—grabbing keys, putting on shoes, picking up a bag. To reduce anxiety, do these things without leaving. Pick up your keys, then sit back down. Put on your coat, then take it off. This teaches your dog that these cues don’t always mean they’ll be alone. Also, don't make a big deal of your leaving and don't make a big deal of your return. Your dog feeds off of your energy and if you're "excited" she'll be too.

Step 4: Use Puzzle Toys & Enrichment

A bored dog = an anxious dog. Before you leave, give them a high-value treat (like a frozen peanut butter Kong or a puzzle feeder). This helps shift their focus from "Oh no, they’re leaving!" to "Ooh, peanut butter!"

Step 5: Practice Short Absences First

Start small. Leave the room for seconds, then minutes, and gradually build up. The key is to return before your dog gets anxious so they learn that being alone isn’t scary.

When to Call in a Pro

If your dog’s anxiety is extreme (like self-harm or nonstop destruction), you need professional help. A certified dog trainer or veterinary behaviorist can create a personalized plan for your dog.

My podcast guest, Ruth Hegarty, is a fantastic resource for training and behavior support. You can check out her website here: Creature Good Dog Training

Separation Anxiety Is Fixable—But It Takes Work

Helping your dog overcome separation anxiety isn’t a quick fix—but it’s absolutely possible with patience, consistency, and the right approach.

• Recognize the signs early.
• Use positive reinforcement (not punishment).
• Gradually build their confidence.
• Make alone time a positive experience.

And most importantly—don’t give up on them.

For the full deep dive on this topic, listen to our podcast episode "Does Your Dog Have Separation Anxiety?" for expert tips from Ruth Hegarty.

Got a dog with separation anxiety? Let me know in the comments—what’s worked (or hasn’t) for you?

This version keeps the same info but sounds way more like you—casual, engaging, and a little no-nonsense. Want any tweaks? 🐶